An update, random musings, ramblings.
Good evening all,
So I haven’t posted since October. There is too much to go into, most information I’d rather not share on an openly public blog, it’s too personal and a lot of it pulls at strings I’d rather leave untouched. They’re damaged enough as they are.
But there is still plenty I want to talk about.
The past year especially I have been hearing on the radio about people who suffer from mental illnesses. I imagine, like most people…I’ve paid attention but not really taken it in, the typical advert will say something like
“Did you know, 1 in 4 of us will suffer from a mental health problem, each year”
Whenever I heard this, I never thought much of it. Me being Mr Naive, I thought a lot of mental health issues people were just ‘born’ with. Err no, turns out that isn’t the case…no not at all. Some of all/All of you are probably groaning and going “Well, obviously?!” but I’ve (obviously) little experience on the subject.
Until roughly 6 weeks ago when I began to suffer with anxiety…and pretty badly as well. To a point when I had problems focusing at work, even doing the simplest of tasks required the most incredible amount of concentration. Did you know its possible to suffer an anxiety attack just trying to get a cup holder thingy out of the dispenser at Starbucks? Well turns out you can when it’s packed too tightly!
It got to a point where I told myself I had to see a doctor, it was ridiculous…the idea of doing the most basic remedial tasks had me in sweats and breathing quickly, being nervous, being on edge, its a vicious spiral…
I ended up being prescribed for a 10 day course of Diazepam to calm me down and bring me down to a much more ‘normal’ level again. It worked, it did what it was supposed to do, it got me through the worst of it until my trip to Ireland (more on this trip later, separate post for that)
Fast forward to being back in the UK, I felt better when at work but still not great, still nervous/edgy…I was terrified it was going to go back it was.
But then I was recommended a book called ‘At Last A Life” by Paul David (will include a link at the end) and I cannot emphasise just how much this book has helped. It helped me instantly understand what was going on and why my body was behaving the way it was…now don’t get me wrong, I’m far from out of the woods yet but it’s nice to think that I’ve got a handle on the situation and on the road back to recovery. Whilst the worst was only a brief spell…I can honestly say it was enough…I’m now paying far more attention to those adverts when in the car.
Lots of other err ‘happenings’ has been going on, a lot I either can’t or won’t delve into but I’m pleased to say I’ve got a lot more ‘positive’ posts coming up (hopefully this side of christmas) – I felt like this was something I needed to get out of my system. Something I needed to get out there. And maybe, just maybe…someone who has suffered from anxiety/stress related problems of any kind or knows someone who does will read this, and can recommend this book.
I’ll finish this post with 2 photos. Both were taken during moments of true, pure calm for me…one is a photo of me in Iceland looking across what can only be described as one of the most breathtaking views I have ever had the privilege of seeing, another is a photo I took back in September, right before life was turned firmly upside-down and backwards.
That’s all for now…